A PROMISE TO MYSELF

This verse and personal writing was a requirement for one of my many English papers at university. We were asked to present three pieces of own writing from personal experiences. For me it could not be any easier. I'm presently battling two types of cancer...carcinoma cancer and leukaemia and writing from first hand experience was a breeze. I wrote this verse because I was inspired by the words of Robert Frost. I found this quote of his to be a turning point in my life: "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about Life…It goes on."
Robert Frost

Things haven't been the same,
Since I’ve been diagnosed.
For a while I pondered,
How I'd go on.

The tenseness inside,
It aches all the time.
That is the reason why,
I am writing this rhyme.

When I heard the news,
I didn't know what to do.
It happened so suddenly
It just couldn't be true.

They said you’re sick,
And we don’t know how.
You'd gone through all this,
Where your life’s at a low.

I cried all day,
And I cried all night.
I say I'm okay,
But I'm not quite sure.

How can I pretend
That I'm not still in pain,
And wipe away the tears
That fall like rain?

I'll remember that day,
The day what was said
And my numbness still
I will never forget.

This is a promise to fight, fight, fight!
A vow I'll keep in perpetuity…
To hold in my heart, with hope and faith,
Until I know, I’m cured completely!


Life is an emotional rollercoaster. Dealing with challenges and learning how to meet those challenges is a process in itself. Everyday I’m learning more and more about my condition, understanding it better and being able to manage and handle it in my stride. By joining support groups and counseling sessions and sharing my experiences with others does not make my problem go away completely but halves my pain, making me better equipped to face the challenges of everyday life more actively and positively. Learning to cope with my illness and knowing more about it gives me the power to be in control without being threatened by it. Taking my illness in stride and feeling comfortable with my treatment plan make me live a normal life. There is never a limit as to how one can cope with the process. Everyone’s process of coming to terms with an illness is different. For me, it was an initial struggle. For months I was in denial. But I eventually educated myself with books, workshops, support meetings and counseling and learned that it is not worth crying over spilled milk, but to get out there and fight with whatever you have left inside of you. Being emotional is a human reaction but allowing that emotion to control you and take over you completely only leads to death and that is definitely not a place I want to be in. I have too much to do and live for. Sadness, grief and sorrow are emotions we all experience. By expressing your emotions with words can help in dealing with the pain. To give words to your deepest feelings, to shape your most painful emotions into verse, to release the pain locked in your heart, this is the true power of the poem.